Beaver Snatchin, Fish Catchin, and Hog Dispatchin (or lack thereof on all counts)

So there I was….minding my own business, when the phone rang. I answered it and listened to a guy tell me all about this problem he has with beavers. He asked if there was any way I could come solve his problem. I said I would be glad to, but it would cost him. So, seeing as how my wife is in town for the first time in about 4 months, I figured that if I was going to waste my evenings chasing beavers, I was going to get paid well for it. I wrote up a proposal – Which, by the way is very difficult to do without throwing in a few sexual innuendos here and there – that basically lets me make about $250 each time I go look for beavers. I’ll be darned if he didn’t agree to it. Now I go out to the dam place every evening and set my dam traps to wait on the dam beavers to come. After a week of no dam success, I set up a dam bow-stand so I could hunt the dam things after it got dam dark. The first night I sent two 3” 000 buck shots right into the side of one of the dam beavers. I’ll be dammed if it didn’t slide into the dam water and get away. This is a dam on-going story, and I’ll give ya’ll a dam conclusion when I get one.

As for the fish catchin, it was SLOW. We brought home a few eating fish, but the final tally was something like this:

6 flounders, 5 trout, 7 redfish, 3 sheepshead, 5 black drum, untold numbers of shrimp, mullet, croaker, and menhaden, 4 crabs, 2 hard heads, 1 alligator gar, and 3 gizzard shad.

It may sound like a lot, but spread that over about 28 hours of two people kayaking and fishing in the hot sun and 20-30 mph wind, and it’s not all that glorious. To make a long story short, we fished the mouth of the San Bernard on Friday, East Matty on Saturday, and West Matty of Sunday. Sorry, no pictures. Nothing really worth seeing.

We finally threw in the towel on Sunday afternoon and called a guy that runs hog dogs. Since I had no hogging clothes, I went to wal mart and bought me a set of Dickies coveralls. I looked GOOOOOOOD!!!!! Anyway, we headed out to the farm and loaded up the dogs and proceeded to drive/walk every single rice/corn/milo/soy bean farm in all of Matagorda county. We haven’t come across a hog to yet. I didn’t think that was possible, but it happened. The only two ghosts we let out were a possum that the lead catch dog got pissed at, and a snake that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe the next adventure will hold some glorious story, but until then, I’ll keep my hooks pointy, my gun oiled, and my knife sharp.

Sat. June 14

The day before fathers Day, Sat. June 14, I hope to hire a fishing charter to go catch big long saltwater fish.

I anticipate leaving freeport before the sun shines, but this is up to the captain chosen.

This will likely run a couple hundred dollars a head with the current cost of fuel and my intense desire to not spend all day fishing for bottom dwellers

Z and Myself appear to be in already, I think this means I need two more people to fill the boat.


I have done some calling around and the above boat is available for the 14th and the captain says the amberjacks, and dolphins are just starting to pick up. I think this looks like a 4 man boat.

For reference

I couldn't put it in the comments for Brian, but here's a picture of me shortly after my somewhat successful catch and release of the sealion. I wish I had pictures of the actual situation, but alas, I do not. You just have to take my word for it. This is a 25 pound ling cod, by the way.

CA report

Here is a kayak fishing report from the red triangle.

Ocean fishing for rockfish opened on May 1st south of the pigeon point lighthouse. So naturally I went fishing at the lighthouse on May 5th. This spot is about 20 miles further south than where I wanted to fish. It was a protected launch but you are exposed to the swell, chop, and wind after a short paddle. I found a small patch of kelp and threw out the drift anchor. This was an essential piece of gear under the conditions. I made a bunch of short drifts through the kelp and finally managed to nail a couple of fish.

I bought a new gps so that I could keep myself on the legal side of all the closures and marine reserves in this farking state. I also paid $20 to upgrade google earth so that I can dowload my tracks. This is a pretty sweet way to show where you have been fishing. I wasn't smart enough to actually mark the spot where I caught my fish but I will next time.

Illegal Immigration

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal RevenueService, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted theDepartment of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the processfor becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passedby the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of thisbill 's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been inthe United States for five years, all I need to do to become acitizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the lastfive years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to getthe process started before everyone figures it out.Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to paytaxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding twoyears of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any waythat I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield anexcellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in2004 and 2005.Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the localemergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stoppedpaying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I couldsave almost $10,000 a year.Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughterwould receive preferential treatment relative to her law schoolapplications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many collegesthroughout the United States for my son.Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of theburden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome carinsurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I stillhave college age children driving my car.If you would provide me with an outline of the process to becomeillegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,I would be most appreciative.Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald RuppertBurlington , IA